Everyone wants to blame someone else for mistakes, accidents, or expectations not being met. Nobody wants to be blamed. Nobody wants the guilt that comes with being blamed. If someone is blamed they will feel guilty, perhaps confused, and more than likely defensive. If you are an owner or manager of a business and we’re talking about someone under your charge, how do you handle this?
Own it! It’s your fault! Now maybe you don’t believe that, but let’s think about it. Start with the facts. Interview those involved to find out what happened. Don’t let anyone point the finger of blame. Have them speak to actions, not people. Just gather the information.
Let’s imagine that the problem was that goal membership sales numbers for a health club weren’t hit this month. The sales people blame the marketing department saying that there weren’t enough people walking through the door to sell to. The marketing department claims that there were more walk-ins this month than last month and it was the sales department that wasn’t converting them. In checking the numbers you verify that there were indeed more walk-ins this month and sales conversion rate was down. So, who do you blame? The sales team? No. It’s your fault.
Here’s the deal. Could you have done something to assure that the sales team made their numbers? Let’s explore that thought. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Did you give them all of the training that they needed?
- Did you make sure they had all of the tools to succeed?
- Did you periodically check in with them to see how they were doing?
- Did you help keep them motivated by praising them when they did something right?
- Did you help keep them motivated by letting them know you cared about them as a person?
- Did you listen fully when they had something to say?
Most likely you could have done better with one or more of these items. Tell them that. i.e. “I’m sorry, (sales team). This is on me. I realize that I hadn’t covered this situation in our training and I didn’t check in to see if you needed any help. I’ll do better and make sure you get what you need to succeed going forward.”
Owning the blame does a couple of important things. First, it allows them to save face which helps them keep a positive attitude and stay engaged. Also, in showing vulnerability by owning your part in it, you will become more relatable and they will feel more of a connection to you.
I used a work example above, but taking on the blame may also be applicable in your private life. When they blame you, own it. When you are ready to blame someone else, ask yourself if you could have done something better to head off the conflict.