Whether they are sitting with you in a client consultation or they are coming to you to complain, people want and/or need to be heard. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to really listen, ask appropriate open-ended questions and acknowledge their concerns. It’s really simple, but maybe not so intuitive for some of us.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” –Stephen R. Covey
A gazillion years ago, I went through wellness coaching training. Listening fully, without the mental gymnastics that set us problem-solving, planning what to say next, or thinking about anything other than what the other person is saying, is a special skill. In the coaching course we had to work with a practice client. I chose one of my brothers. While my brother shared his story, I realized I was more focused on what I would say next, planning his program in my head, instead of truly listening. It was a wake-up call that effective communication requires a genuine desire to understand, not just to respond.
Really listening to someone’s feelings and situation not only helps them feel heard, but it also tells them that you care. To know more, you need to ask questions that help them expand on what they are saying (open-ended questions). One of my favorite final questions to ask after listening to the other person’s story happens to be one of the most powerful. It happened to be used frequently in the television series, “New Amsterdam” (I binge watched the series a couple years ago. If you like medical dramas, watch it.). The protagonist pretty much starts the series by asking the question, “How can I help?”
Then with that simple, but powerful question you can have them create their own solution. How can I help? They will tell you and if you can do what they ask, all is right with the world. Even if you can’t do what they ask for whatever reason, explain the situation to them and help them understand your position. Then ask again, “I’m sorry I can’t accommodate you on that. Is there something else could I do to help?” Maybe there is something you can do or maybe it’s still not something you can help with, but having been heard and having you try to work with them usually lets them walk away feeling better about the situation and more connected with you.
Bonus question: along with “How can I help?” my other favorite question to ask after fully hearing their situation is “How do you see us working together?” This question allows you to know what their expectation is and, because they suggested it, you are more likely to get compliance.
Listening is more than just a skill—it’s a commitment to understanding others on a deeper level. When we take the time to truly hear someone and ask meaningful questions, we validate their experiences and build trust. By practicing this form of active listening, and ending with questions like “How can I help?” or “How do you see us working together?”, we foster collaborative problem-solving and create stronger connections. Ultimately, the effort to listen well can transform relationships, turning a simple conversation into a powerful opportunity for growth and empathy.